...

There’s a door in your mind, with sentences incomplete and wishes you won’t speak, but then we meet.

Between the Sky and a Soft Place...

The sky blistered, it looked down at me as though it may fall but I'd been running for so long I just wanted to rest, even with its weight upon me. 
When I lay down on the Earth my head spins with a delicate fury, it feels like being born. He waits in the dark at my side, his complete and utter faith that I will not falter is more suffocating than the weight of the fallen sky. 
I seep into my thoughts, a calm river surrounds me, billions of stars overhead. The day is fading, I can feel you near by. Sentences running through my mind tell me we are a dream, but even as I fall over the edge of the world, the stars there to catch me, I choose to live here with you, not there alone. 

Lost and Found...

People tend to rush life, they slip and stumble whilst running towards the things they think are important, all the time the real treasures lay in pieces in their wake, wishing they would turn around. I love holding on to moments, for just slightly longer than time allows, an extra breath after reading a moving sentence in one of my favourite books, closing my eyes to feel the sun on my eyelids before I board a train, or laying my cheek against the soft grass that’s gathered under my picnic blanket after I’ve packed up to go home. But, a moment of love like that described, with another, I have never felt.

I came to realise soon after I found the letter that finding love in life is more beautiful and precious than a universe full of moments that have been left behind. To feel something so intensely for someone who was once a stranger is as amazing and as difficult to imagine as the colour of the most distant star. 

(another section from my book ^.^)

A Penny for a Dream...

Imagine what we look like from the outside. I find the darkness and watch its beauty leave me breathless as it takes me in. Like swimming in the calm ocean, pools of night behind my eyes whisper their intent. Secrets, that coat me in a desire that makes me reach for the next page with an uncontrollable madness. The stories of dreams with he and I traveling through the sky, make the pursuits in my waking life manic to some. But, here we are again, and here we go, dashing through each others thoughts as if they were our own. I let you in and show you the wonders in my heart. You take me under your skin and feed my hunger for the dark.

The Scene...

You may not know this but feelings have a scent. As dawn folds into day, as we lift the tape and step close the air changes, becomes thinner, difficult to breath.

Disappointment hangs over us. It feels like saying goodbye or being lost in a mall when you’re little. It smells like the husk of a tree freshly pulled from its trunk. Sadness and grief are similar but not the same. Being sad is more immediate, it’s like knocking hard on a doorframe but hoping no one is home, its scent is familiar like freshly cut lawn mixed with an ocean of salty tears. First an anxiety and then a desperate realisation that nothing will ever be the same, the salt killing the new shoots of grass all the way to the root. Grief is a constant trickle of rain, a vacant desire for the sun to ever shine hot on your face again. The scent, an old attic that’s lost all its memories, dust settling on furniture, a house with no fresh air. 

We wait, standing on the corner of a stranger’s world, hoping they will one day forgive us.

Second Line...

In life, moments are separated by many things, breath, words, sounds, feelings, but some rest on a whole different time line, not affected by the worlds plans, they exist completely alone, in a place that’s so amazing everything must be whispered.

You Don't Know You're a Dream...

--> Summer rain gathers in the clouds, the air fractures under their full weight causing heavy buckets of water to fall lovingly to an Earth it had embraced last winter. I close my eyes to better hear the sky's tears, the beating of their hearts against the window, like tiny voices asking to come in. In the darkness behind my eyes I see her again, trying to change the past. I think her name is Jane, but I don’t know her from my life. She wanders around the courtyard that’s buried between the buildings where my apartment rests. Her long hair floats around her like snow in the breeze, never falling on her shoulders. I like it when she visits me but I think she might be stealing my mail. Perhaps she is waiting on a love letter that was never delivered. I want to hear what her voice sounds like but she never talks. I don’t think she knows she’s a dream.... -->

Another exert from We Once Were Strangers, my unfinished book :(   

Love Letter...

That day at the park, I should have said I love you. A maple leaf fell into your hair and only a moment passed then it was over. Two lovers kissed in the distance, I didn’t know their names. I thought later, it’s never too late to tell someone you love them.

All that separates us now is the thin layer of another world. But I’m still all yours.

The Taste of Night...

A whisper of darkness hid amongst the trees, the moon shining a light on your secret. Softly as the dew on the grass caught the stars reflections in its eyes, you asked me to stay. Somewhere in that moment the power differentials changed and I was left standing with your heart in my hands, blood stained the sleeve of my jumper.

Perfect is Close By...

How could you expect me to leave without saying goodbye? 
I suppose we falter when fate draws near, because we see it as an end instead of a beginning, fixed rather than endless. 
I open my window to better hear the rain, to smell the scent of its life pooling in the hearts of the flowers that grow towards the frame, trying to peek in. The stars watch me undress through open blinds, their eyes twinkling as they open and shut. So peaceful far away, an unbearable roar up close. 
It's my turn now, to watch as we fade, falling backwards through my thoughts with the frequency of breath.

If We Knew Each Others Secrets...

My favourite place in the world is under the Autumnal tree tunnel in Oxfordshire where I grew. 
Perhaps I was born twice, in different places, to other people, with different names. One of me still lives there under the trees, a blanket of leaves my bed, the feeling of your words around me. 
When we fell we were separated like night and day, only a few moments to brush against each other as darkness steals the dusk. 

My breath rests in front of me, I can hold it in my hands, the crisp morning air framing my words, trying to pick up all of the pieces of me that are lost. 

Last nights darkness was so bright it hurt my eyes. In my dreams you asked me to take your hand. I led you to the treetops, their roots holding onto the hill. 
The morning came briefly, then lost its fight with the night. There wasn't enough sky to hold all the stars, they dripped into our hair. Then our time together was over just as it began. In a fleeting moment of breathless words, Autumn finished, the snow fell without sound, my heart scattered in pieces on the ground.

Expectations...

Perhaps we are just reflections of our past, our present the mirror, or a still pond. As mountains stand almost fake in the distance, we wait like statues hoping someone will choose us. 
My ears fill with water muffling all sounds, amplifying my heart. My hand placed under my left breast as if that was its home. I feel the beats, close my eyes and imagine the tiny circles of blood rushing around my small body. I wonder what my heart looks like on the inside and think of you.

Love at Second Sight...

He said, "If you don't know my name I could be anyone."
When the Earth was resting he knocked on my door, dripping with rain like the ocean had kissed him all over. I waited for my mind to tell me what to do but it couldn't catch up with my heart. The night brushed against my ankles as he slipped inside. 
He touched my waist and kissed my lips. 
Nothing is more beautiful than meeting and falling for someone in the same breath.

In Love...

As the crowds swirled around me I realised the cost of love, and that my heart would never be my own again.

Death in the Evening...

The empty sky cast shadows over the Earth, but never touched your light. A sheet fell loosely around your cold form. The day waited to greet you. Fireflies danced in the grass outside your apartment. Moonlight pooled on the floor by your window, let in through a crack in the blinds.
Your last breath waited in your lungs to be exhaled, but it would wait forever.

The Wild is Our Home...

In the wild we all look different. Our borders are less defined and our eyes are wide with wonder. 
The shape of your lips rest in my mind, the feeling of your heart beating over me when we love. Sometimes it feels like I have two hearts, the heat of yours radiating against me like a warm river.

The clouds drip out of the sky onto the mountains kissing them goodnight. Snow floats through the window, resting in my hair without my knowledge, sparkling in the moonlight. A breeze caresses the curve in my back, cooling the beads of sweat that have made a home there. 
My heart beats slow as I enter a dream that mirrors reality.

I Wonder If You Notice...

We wait for something, brief wordless encounters keep us on our path. Soft glances break up the day and let my mind hide the shadows that live in its corners.
I know I'm strong and that all these things will eventually bring me comfort. 
The comfort of a whisper traveling through the rain.

Life Waits Everywhere...

The silence of death is so unimaginable, 
I think that's why, to some, it is so desired.
Like the stars we gaze at when the velvet sky kisses our eyes, where do they begin and end?
How can we think we are forgotten?

So Sure...

A flash of life, his gaze fell upon me, as though he could see what rest in my heart. 
She stayed until I fell asleep. Someone's hand was on my back, pushing me forward, into the darkness even though I was afraid. Then I woke, and now I don't know fear only the feeling of constantly reaching. 

Back to him. His eyes like dark ink testing my fear, but I had never known such beauty.

Delicate motions...

The weight of your thoughts fall over me and we are finally alone.
The Earth closes in, then opens out again, its silent breath proof of life.
I made a choice that my heart beats echo. 

We are all actors in a play that could be called on stage at any moment.

Blades of Grass...

My life is a line of organised boxes, my mind is a deep sea of undiscovered creatures and treasures waiting to be found. 
I lay on the wet grass, the stars hung up in a perfect velvet sky by those who have left. People call my name, but I'm somewhere else. Blades of grass cut my soft skin. I lay in ribbons on the Earth waiting for you to find me.

We We're Young...

I love the pockets in big coats, I always feel they tell a story, hold the secrets of a child trying to keep their father from seeing they had taken a biscuit before dinner, or that they had found a worm in the garden and were now keeping it as a pet. Or the secrets of an adult, slipping off their wedding ring before they met another. Or perhaps the deep pocket was holding a small box, inside a quivering hand hoping she would say yes.

Fading in and Out...

I saw your silhouette against the dim setting sun, it wasn’t even very bright, you could look right at it without hurting your eyes. The notion of being a silhouette to someone’s eyes is too beautiful to explain. Like at midday when your shadow and you become one, as though the person who has been following you around for hours finally caught up and you were able to share an embrace.

The Memory of Rain...

When we are young our spectrum of emotions is so vast, everything amazes us, as if we are using our eyes and our hearts for the first time. Then as we get older we are burdened by the time that has passed, as though trapped in an invisible cage that only ever allows our heart to beat one rhythm.

(Exert from my unfinished book) ^.^ 

Life Waits in the Distance...

My nails were thin but I bit them still. The nights shadow blanketed the Earth, then was disrupted by the moons light. I looked for you in the forest, between the trees, their thin bodies surprisingly dense as they stood next to each other, a line up of stand-ins disguising the real crime. 
My breath was still in the days first light, afraid I might disappoint you before the sun even warmed the Earth.
I'm always quiet when I feel the most, as though I'm struggling to hear through the echo of confusion that covers me.
We put our hands together, as if feeling the birth of each others breath against the dew that soaked through our socks and the fog that rest in our hair.
The clouds roll over and the day finally opens with such promise and naked innocence. Everything is a circle, my lungs are full.

The Weight of Forever...

My head is heavy like the weight of one thousand hearts.
It bobs on my shoulders with no threat of malice, but in my mind waves crash upon a shore that does not exist and the gaps between reality and a dream are thick and foamy. I am still unsure if I can swim.

The Sight of Breath...

Everything is a dream.

When I wake the sky and its stars,
my only sight, lay framing a picture of a winter night.
I float, as if on a calm river toward a painted waterfall.
Clouds lift me above the still but falling waters,
the rhythm of life flows through these veins, 
and my mind is my own and my heart is my own.

French Tip...

Son oeil savait larges horizons
Il était habitué aux montagnes
Et avait percé le mystére de leur grandeur
Les animaux et les oiseaux, les arbres et la terre,
les plantes et les fleurs
Lui avait enseigné le secret de l'amore.
                                  -Missak Manouchian

The first poem I learnt in French ^.^

English translation

His eye knew broad horizons

He was used to mountains

And had pierced the mystery of their grandeur.

The animals and birds, trees and

flowers, plants and the earth

Had taught him the secret of love

Untitled...

This writing has a heart beat and in the shadows of twilight as I draw my book closer, I can hear it quickening at the nearness of two souls so alike.

We Are Broken...

… And then all of a sudden the life we never had became unhinged. With the immediacy of an intake of air following an absence of breath we fell together through the darkness, our souls stitched to one another, our minds freer than the day we were born.

I Write In Darkness...

The soft morning, the nights darkness caressing the remaining light in the last moments of the day.
Kiss me on the cheek so I may remain unbroken.